An Explination

I suppose I owe you, my oh, so loyal readers. An explanation on my 3 month absence. Not really just a 3 month absence, but an absence pretty much the majority of 2011. I can sum it up for you pretty easily...

2011 sucked for us.

I mean bad. Sure, the first few months went by and everything was fine, but by the time April arrived, it all went downhill.

Coincidentally, April was when I stopped blogging. I tried to rally in July, but at that point, I had a bad case of the attitudes and no one wants to read a bad attitude.

When October rolled around, I was in such a funk, I quit. Literally quit. I quit blogging. I quit doing things. I quit talking to people. I just quit.

And here's the reason...

On May 28, 2011, we lost my Mother-in-law to ovarian cancer.

She was a kind, brave, incredibly strong woman that fought this awful disease for 13 years.

13 YEARS!!

Losing someone is never easy. Receiving a phone call, telling you that a loved one has passed away is painful.

Watching someone you love wither away, in front of your eyes is excruciating.

For several weeks the family sat by her side, spending every waking moment, taking in the fabulous person that she was, knowing that she didn't have much more time.

At night, we would go home, never really getting any rest, always waiting for that phone call.

My job was to make everyone comfortable. I cleaned, cooked and tried to do the daily monotonous duties that shouldn't bother a family during such a time. I kept my kids on a schedule, while still spending as much time with their Grammy as they could, so they could hold on to happy memories.

When it was evident that she was slipping away, my boys were able to give her a hug and a kiss and tell her goodbye. That was her last conscious day.

Some people have said watching someone die is a beautiful experience.

It's not.

It's awful.

It's painful.

It's disturbing.

It's a life changing experience.

This is how I feel. My husband and his siblings might have a different experience. All I know is how it changed me.

After getting through an obviously difficult May and June, we were rocked by the news that my mother then had to start chemotherapy.

Needless to say, things were not going well around the Cates' house.

Then I realized something that shocked me.

During this entire, tumultuous time in our lives, I didn't hear from my friends. Or those I thought were my good friends.

I heard from a couple, but when they found out about our devastating news, they didn't know how to respond or what to do. At least, that's what I think happened. Why else would people not call? Why would they not be concerned? Why would they not offer help?

Not that I wanted anything from anyone, but knowing that someone is there for you, in your time of need, is comfort enough.

The year was getting worse. I felt like I was drowning and couldn't get my head above water.

You'll be glad to know that my addiction to Pinterest is still in full effect. Over the past nine months, I've pinned many "Words to Live By", which was like therapy for me.

Here are just a few...

With all of that being said, I've really tried to look within this past year. I've tried to figure out a lot of different things about myself. One thing I know for sure (nothing new) is that I am a private person, not willing (able) to share my feelings. I'm trying to get past that. By posting this, I'm revealing a lot about what I've been through and what I'm feeling, which is a BIG step for me.

I wanted you to know why I've been gone, why I haven't blogged. Again, it has been a tough year for us. 2012 was the start of a New Year and for me, a new attitude. I need to get back to my positive, happy self and surround myself with people and things that I love. I'm hoping to get back into full blogging mode as well because that is something I both love and enjoy.